


Song of the Siren

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-23 20:46:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6129570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Reader hears Kili humming a telling tune and seeks her vengeance on the peeping Durin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You sat ripping apart a piece of lettuce, annoyed that there was not any meat on the table. You were thankful for the food but it was far from filling or appetizing. Yet, it was not just the food, it was everything. This whole journey had just been one pain after the other. On top of that, you had to deal with the irksome Durin brothers who seemed to think it their goal to make every possible moment uncomfortable.

First, Kili had ‘accidentally’ knocked you into a puddle of mud. Then, Fili put ants in your boots when you had removed them to scrape the thick mud from their soles. Then the both of them had thought it hysterical when they had moved you in your sleep so that you awoke in the forest and had become disoriented. You could only count the minutes until their next trick and you were sure they had something nasty planned.

You threw the lettuce down and grabbed a carrot, wondering if maybe you could stick it into the ear of one of those damned brothers. They sure needed a good kick in the arse, a carrot in the ear may just suffice should they think of annoying you further. You could not handle another trick; you were in Rivendell, there was a real bed awaiting you and you wanted to enjoy it.

You bit into the carrot, convincing yourself not to assault either of them as you glared down at your plate. If it had been up to you, you would be abed already but Balin said that was less than courteous and the old dwarf was persistant. As you examined the pattern along the edge of the plate, a tune came from across the table that made you stop chewing.

Someone was humming a very familiar song, one you had been singing only nights before. Alone. In the river. Without clothes. Whoever it was had been spying on you and you had an idea who even before you looked up from your plate. Kili’s smirk was broader than you had ever seen and he was staring directly at you, holding your eyes with his own as he hummed.

“Kili,” You snarled with a shake of your head, “Where did you hear that song?”

“Yes, I don’t think I’ve heard it before,” Fili grinned as well and you could tell that he had.

“Oh, the two of you,” You growled as you grabbed the fork in front of you, “You lecherous–”

“Two?” Fili smiled innocently, “I haven’t any idea what Kili was up to down at the river.”

“Then how do you know he heard it at the river, moron?” You asked as you held the fork tighter.

“There are sirens in rivers,” Fili offered.

“Yes, and they haven’t the grace to wear clothes,” Kili added with another grin towards his brother, “Seductresses who tempt men with their perverse singing.”

“I will tell you who is perverse,” You gritted your teeth.

“It seems though, that when they are not at the river, they wear entirely too many layers,” Kili’s eyes slowly trailed down to your chest and you fought the urge to cover yourself.

“You are walking a fine line,” You warned as your spine stiffened.

“What ever is the siren going to do to us, brother?” Fili teased as he smiled once more.

“Do you know why the sirens lure men?” You asked dangerously, narrowing your eyes.

“Oh, for naughty means, no doubt,” Kili replied with a wink.

“No, they lure the men in…” You stood suddenly and stabbed the fork into the table in front of the two brothers, “So that they may drown them.”

The rest of the table looked over as you straightened up with a glare towards the Durin brothers who stared at the upright fork with shock. They finally looked back to you and seemed to realize they had crossed a line.

“So, the next time you two fancy a leer, why don’t you come a little closer?” You leaned over the table with a malicious sneer, “I’ll sing you a delightful little song, perhaps the last one you’ll ever hear.”

They looked at each other in alarm as you stepped back over the bench and spun on your heel with an exasperated sigh. You marched away within the silence of the hall, eager to find a real bed with a real mattress before you lost the strength to resist turning back and pummeling the two Durins.

* * *

Vengeance. That is what you wanted more than anything, even more than a real bed. As you sat atop the feather mattress you could not force yourself to lie down, you needed to wipe that smug look from Kili’s face. Fili could wait for his due, but Kili; the way he had hummed the tune and the way he had smirked and winked at you. Tonight, he was going to pay dearly.

You stood and paced over to your door trying to figure out what you would do when it dawned on you; you knew where Kili would be sleeping. Balin had told you when you had asked for directions; left of Kili, right of Fili, the second room down that corridor.

You slowly creaked open your door, looking both ways down the corridor, listening for any signs of approach. You stepped out and quietly edged towards Kili’s door, knocking upon it to make sure he had not retired yet. Upon no answer, you anxiously turned the handle to find it unlocked and you knew that fate was on your side. Inside, the chamber was dark and you smiled into the black; it was perfect.

You slid under the rather large bed and tried to find a comfortable spot on your stomach, your eyes slowly adjusting to the dim. You let out a few giggles as you began your wait and you mustered all your patience knowing that it would be worth it. All your fatigue seemed to have drifted away and you would stay awake as long as you needed to exact your revenge.

It was nearly a whole hour before you heard the door open and you tensed under the bed as you prepared yourself. You could hear Kili chattering to Fili on the threshold before he finally closed the door. Dim yellow light came as he lit a candle, though there was no way he would be able to see you in your hiding place.

You clasped your hands over your mouth as you stifled a snicker and watched patiently as you awaited your chance. Kili pulled his tunic off and you figured it was an eye for an eye; he saw you and now you were seeing him. Next he kicked his boots off carelessly and one nearly flew under the bed beside you; then his breeches, leaving him in only his undershorts, which he opted to keep on.

The chamber went dark again as he blew out the candle and you listened intently to his footsteps as he neared the bed. Even in the dark, you could see his feet as they got closer and when he was only half a foot away, you climbed from beneath the bed and lunged at him. He shouted in surprise as you bowled him over and landed atop him with a thump.

“Seems like you’re not the only one skilled at spying,” You said, shoving his shoulders back down as he tried to sit up.

“[Y/N]?” He asked through the darkness.

“Oh, I thought I was a siren,” You teased as you settled on top of him, “At least, that is what I have come here as.”

“You’re not going to drown me are you?” His voice was surprisingly fearful.

“No, I’m just gonna knock you around a bit,” You explained as you pinched his bare rib, “Hmmm, how does that feel?”

“[Y/N], I didn’t mean–” He began before you covered his mouth with your hand.

“You didn’t mean to embarrass me and leer at me without my knowing,” You pinched him again, “Because that is what you did and it was not a very nice trick.”

He mumbled into your hand and you removed it as you shushed him, he clamped his mouth shut, staying still below you.

“I really don’t think you can blame me for this,” You pulled his hair and he groaned with pain, “Do you know how horrible I feel? Hmmm? About as bad as you do, laying here in the dark in your underclothes. Defenseless, helpless, bare.”

“I really am sorry,” He choked out as you released his hair, jabbing him in the chest with unrestrained anger.

“Sorry for what? That I have the spine to come here?” You questioned, removing your hands from him; violence did not seem to be augmenting your shame, “Or for what you did? Spied on me? Humiliated me over and over? For the puddle? Or the rude awakening? I don’t think so.”

“But—” He tried to speak but you shushed him once more.

“No, you’re not sorry because you are a precious little prince who has played his vile little tricks all his life and gotten away with them,” You hissed through the dim, “Well, let me tell you this: the next time you think to play one on me, expect the same in return.”

Kili remained silent in the dark as you pushed yourself off of him with a growl.

“As for Fili, I will get to him in time,” You stood over him, “And if you even think of warning him, well, I highly doubt we’ll be sleeping in separate chambers much longer.”

Still he did not move and you felt a grin cover your face as you realized how confused and humiliated he must be.

“Oh,” You began to step away but stopped yourself, turning back with arms crossed, “You may want to consider a new set of undershorts, you’ve a hole in the arse.”


	2. Song of the Siren II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reader is not yet done with her vengeance.

“Unless you want another midnight visit, I would suggest that you co-operate,” You put your hands on your hips as you cornered Kili among the trees, “Or maybe I will just include you in his punishment.”

“No, please,” His hand went subconsciously to his rib where you had left a bruise, “I’ll help you as long as you don’t hit me again.”

“Fine,” You grinned at him wryly, “Though I cannot promise I won’t pull your hair.”

“You really don’t do forgiveness, do you?” He finally stopped cowering.

“I can forgive one, maybe two wrongs,” You snarled, “But more than that and I think I’ve a right to a little vengeance.”

“What do I have to do?” He asked with dread.

“There’s a river near here,” You smiled as you glowed with pride.

“A river?” His brows furrowed.

“Don’t worry, I am not going to drown your dear brother,” You assured him as you examined your finger nails, “I am only returning the favour. He will know what it is like to be leered at.”

“I am afraid to ask,” He frowned at your smirk.

“Very well, for I would not tell you my master plan,” You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes, “Just your part, of course.”

“Which is?” His eyes looked around desperately.

“All you have to do is tell your brother about the river,” You explained nonchalantly, “Maybe tell him he smells rather ripe, which is not far from the truth.”

“And if it doesn’t work?” He rubbed his neck nervously.

“You better hope he takes the bait,” You warned as you wiped the smirk away from your face, “Or I cannot promise you will not be caught in the next trap.”

* * *

You waited in the branches of the tree, suppressing another self-satisfied smirk as you heard twigs crunching. You were glad that Kili had followed through because if he had not, you had a lot more planned for him. Fili finally broke through the brush to the shore of the river and he was alone as promised.

You pushed yourself closer to the branch, watching through the leaves as he sat down and began to undo his boots. You wondered if maybe it was too much but you figured he had gotten quite the show himself when you had thought you were alone. Besides, since him and his brother enjoyed tormenting you so much, you deserved a little pleasure yourself.

He pulled off his cloak and discarded his belt swiftly, before removing his tunic to reveal his broad back to you. Next came his breeches and undershorts and you stifled a giggle as you looked away from his butt, though you could not help but relish the image. As much as he was a prick, he was young and fit and you had your preferences.

He left behind his pile of clothing and edged towards the water as you prepared yourself for what was to come. As he entered the water, you shimmied back on the branch to the trunk and began to carefully climb your way down. You did your best not to make any noise as you made it down to the ground, though the splashing of the water helped cover the sound. Finally, your feet were on the forest floor and you could smell the sweet aroma of revenge.

You edged through the brush as you neared the shore, peaking over at the water where Fili’s wet hair emerged from the surface. His golden hair hung down his shoulders as he stood waist-deep in the river; he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying his bath. You took one last breath as you stood straight and began to hum as you emerged from the tree line.

“Huh?” Fili’s voice was full of confusion as he turned to watched you, “[Y/N]?”

“Fili,” You grinned as you walked the shoreline and you saw him trying to cover himself below the water, “How fortunate of you to find the river. The water looks delightful.”

“Um,” He looked around with anxious eyes, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I wanted to see if there were truly sirens in rivers,” You bent and began to gather his clothing from the dirt, “Though I am disappointed to find only you.”

“Wait, what are you doing?” He looked desperately at the clothing in your arms.

“I must say though, the disappointment is not so sour,” You ignored his question as you stood with his garments in hand, “I got a proper show nonetheless. I am sure you know how entertaining a river can be.”

“Look, [Y/N],” He pleaded stepping forward until he remembered his lack of cover, “I am truly sorry for what we did, as I have tried to tell you.”

“Perhaps you should speak louder next time,” You smirked as he reddened, “Maybe kneel before me and beg for it.”

“Please…” He began as you turned away.

“I am afraid there is no going back now,” You tossed over your shoulder devilishly, “Oh,” You stopped and looked back at him, “Who was it that told you about the river?”

“…Kili,” He answered as the light flickered behind his eyes, “Mahal.”

“I’ll see you back at camp, Fili,” You turned back to the trees, leaving him silent in the water.

* * *

“Here, you may want to return these to your brother,” You dropped the clothing in front of Kili, “He seems to have lost them.”

“What? Oh, you didn’t,” Kili stared down at the pile of fabric.

“Did I?” You asked as you kicked them towards him, “I can’t remember exactly what happened down at the river. Perhaps a siren has accursed me with amnesia.”

“Ha,” He let out a startled chuckle as he scooped up the clothing, “It is kind of funny.”

“Oh yes, it is,” You smiled at him mischieviously, “Fili would not agree.”

“I can imagine,” He smirked himself and you shook your head at his stupidity.

“He should be here any moment to thank you for telling him about the river,” You put your hands on your hips in triumph as Kili’s face fell.

“Kili?” Thorin approached as you preened with pride, “Are those Fili’s clothes?…I cannot believe you.”

“Yes, Kili, what a horrid thing to do,” You added before you looked to Thorin, “I was only just saying to him that it was a rather cruel joke. Not much of a joke at all, truly.”

“But I–” Kili began until you shot him a warning look.

“You are an imp,” Thorin shot at him as he crossed his arms, “Though I can imagine that [Y/N] is relieved that it is not her as the target of another of your twisted tricks.”

“Truly thankful,” You agreed with a sly grin, “Yet I do prefer a mud puddle to such a sick ploy. I will not blame Fili when he comes storming through, though I cannot help but pity his brother.”

“Yes, I should let your brother seek his own vengeance,” Thorin actually smirked at his nephew, “And there he is.”

Thorin looked over Kili’s shoulder as Fili emerged naked from the trees, his hands covering his unmentionables as he stomped towards you. He looked at you for a moment with fear as he saw his uncle beside you before he turned to glare at Kili. This was going exactly to plan.

“I cannot believe you, Kili,” He began as he took away one of his hands to jab his brother in the chest, “You betrayed me.”

“What are you–?” Kili looked back confused, “You know that–”

“I know you had your part,” Fili retorted over his brother’s voice, “And I assure you, I will make you pay.”

“But I had to,” Kili pleaded at his furious brother.

“Oh, you had to?” Fili nearly shouted and you tried not to grin, “Well, I have to do this!”

You gasped as Fili gave up on covering himself and hurled himself at his brother, bringing his arm around his neck as Kili stumbled back, dropping the clothes to the ground. Fili had Kili in a headlock and you tried not to look lower than you had to as you took in the scene. The rest of the Company were now watching as well and you glanced at Thorin who seemed quite amused by the entire business.

Kili clutched at his brother’s bare arm as he tried to escape and you clasped your hand to your mouth as you held back another laugh. Kili elbowed Fili in the ribs, causing him to release his hold and fall back into the dirt. Fili grabbed his brother’s ankle before he could walk away and brought him down beside him as he rose to his knees. Fili punched Kili in the thigh as hard as he could, causing him to gasp and grab at his charlie-horsed leg.

“And now,” Fili pushed back his hair with heavy breaths, “I have to go get dressed.”

Fili pushed himself up as he gathered his clothing, kicking his brother with his toe before he turned on his heel. You were awaiting your own berating but he seemed to have forgotten about you, his anger centered on the treason of his own brother. You looked down at Kili who finally pushed himself from the dirt and headed off in the other direction with one last look of hurt towards you.

“Well…” You broke the tense silence, “That was eventful.”

“And devious,” Thorin added as he looked at you, “Clever, though.”

“Hmm?” You stared at his bemused face, “Well deserved, I’d say.”

“Me too,” He smiled knowingly, “You’ve truly outdone yourself.”

“You know?” You hid a grin.

“Two nights ago you nearly skewered the two of them with a fork,” He uncrossed his arms and beamed at you proudly, “You do work quickly.”

“I do what I can,” You finally smirked as you turned back to the disturbed dirt where the Durins had tussled, chuckling at your own genius.


	3. Song of the Siren III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin gets caught up in the cycle of vengeance.

You had volunteered to gather firewood that night as you had grown tired of the sulking Durins shooting each other dangerous looks. You could not help but grin to yourself every time they did so but the tension was becoming untenable. You had not meant to destroy their relationship, you had only wanted revenge; not that it had not been worth it.

You stacked thick sticks in your arms as you hummed the same tune you had been singing down at the river. The tune itself brought a smile to your face as you remembered Fili’s shocked face as you stole his clothes. Yet, as you continued on at your work, you wondered what would happened if Kili and Fili did eventually reconciliate.

Before you could begin to ponder your defenses, you heard an odd sound from deeper in the forest. It sounded as if someone were shouting, though the voice was muffled by the trees. You shifted the pile of kindling in your arms and made towards the sound, wondering who could have possibly gotten into trouble; if you were lucky, it was one of those pesky brothers.

As you neared the source, you recognized the voice and it was extremely angry and desperate. You emerged into a small clearing where leaves carpeted the ground to find Thorin hanging upside down from his ankles. It seemed he had sprung someone’s trap and you were sure you knew who had set it.

“Thorin?” You dropped your armful and crossed to him as he swung slightly, his face red from hanging upside down.

“[Y/N],” He growled as he tried to still himself, “Would you mind cutting me down instead of just staring?”

“Of course,” You reached to your belt and made to the tree where the rope had been secured, “You may want to brace yourself.”

You grasped the rope as strongly as you could as you pulled your knife out and began to cut through it, trying not to break Thorin’s neck. As the rope began to fray and finally split, you grabbed as quickly as you could with your other hand and managed to soften the landing of the king as he grunted onto the forest floor. The rope burned your hands as you did so and you stifled a groan as you threw it on the ground.

“I don’t think this was meant for me,” Thorin sat up and began to fumble with the rope around his ankles.

“Surely not,” You answered with a frown, “It seems those nephews of yours are particularly skilled actors.”

“Yes, they’ve never been able to stay mad at each other for so long,” He took one of your sore hands as you offered to help him to his feet, “Though it should have been obvious that they’d be out for vengeance themselves.”

“Sorry you got pulled into it,” You wiggled your fingers as they burned from chafing, “But this does mean war.”

“It does,” He agreed with a smirk, “They’ve been at these tricks for too long. I can hardly blame you for how you retaliated, but it seems they are not the only ones who can conspire.”

“What are you saying?” You bit your lip anxiously.

“They are acting as secret allies and now we shall take a tactic from their books,” He held out his hand, “Allies?”

“Allies,” You agreed as you shook his hand with another shock of pain through your rope-burned hand, “So…how do we start?”

“First, I tell them that you fell into their trap…” He explained as his eyes glowed with mischief.

“And then…” You prodded with a conspiratorial grin.

“And then they see the consequences of their tricks,” Thorin replied, “I hope you are as gifted at acting as they.”

* * *

Thorin ran into camp with your limp body in his arms, a panicked frown across his face as he made his way towards Oin.

“I found her on the ground,” He explained, not hiding the desperation in his voice, “There was a rope around her ankles and…” He set her down gently as he looked to Oin, “She must have stepped into a hunter’s trap and tried to cut herself out.”

“And landed on her head,” Oin finished as he began to feel your skull for damage, “Although–”

“Play along,” Thorin whispered to the dwarf giving him a wry look before he continued his act, “Is her neck broken?”

“It does not seem to be,” Oin pretended to examine your neck, “Though, such a fall could be damaging in other ways.”

“Is she going to be alright?” Kili asked from behind Thorin as he looked over his shoulder.

“I don’t know,” Oin answered as he looked back to his patient, “Take her to your tent, Thorin, we can do what we must there.”

“What can you do?” Fili stepped up beside his brother with a frown.

“Not much,” Oin seemed to be catching on, Thorin suppressed a smile as he scooped you up carefully, “We can only wait and see.”

Thorin balanced you in his arms as he stepped towards his tent and you held back your own grin as you did your best to play dead. You let your head loll over his arm and wished you could see the look on the Durin brothers’ faces as you relished their frantic voices. You felt the flap brush across your chest as you were carried into Thorin’s tent and you finally opened your eyes.

“It sounded like they bought it,” You whispered as Thorin set you down.

“It looked like it,” He secured the flap behind him so that you had some privacy, “You did a wonderful job.”

“Thank you,” You sat up and brushed the dirt from your hair, “It was not too hard.”

“We’ll explain the whole thing to Oin when he gets here,” Thorin began with another smirk, “He seems keen to go along with whatever it is he thinks we’re up to.”

“Yes,” You returned his devious look, “And then we will have our vengeance.”

“Bloodless vengeance,” He chuckled, “I do not want my nephews slain.”

“Of course not,” You agreed as you heard Oin’s footsteps through the canvas, “Just a little pain.”

* * *

The bandage around your head was making you sweat and you were growing tired of laying so still. Thorin held you firmly enough as the company continued their trek, though you were less than happy as you were unable to react to the jolt it sent through you when he nearly tripped. He seemed more intent on vengeance than you as he had insisted that the charade go on a little longer.

“Dwalin,” He called over his shoulder and you kept from twitching, “Take her for a while.”

You hid your discomfort as you remained limp as you were passed off to the other dwarf, his hold was just as firm as Thorin’s. You thanked Mahal you were light enough for them to carry though you were less than grateful for the rawness in your hands which still ached from grabbing the rope.

“How is she?” Kili’s voice sounded as you heard him step up beside Dwalin.

“The same,” Dwalin grumbled at the younger Durin.

“No change?” Fili asked from the other side.

“As I said, the same,” Dwalin sounded irritated and he adjusted his arms roughly below you.

“In there,” You heard Thorin call back, “We’ll stay in the cave for the night.”

“Thank Mahal,” Kili said under his breath, “I hope she wakes up tonight.”

“Yes, she better or you’ll be carrying her tomorrow,” Dwalin retorted as he sped ahead of the Durins.

You were set down on the cave floor as Dwalin sighed with relief and you felt bad for being such a burden. You forced yourself to keep your eyes closed as you listened to the hubbub around you as the other dwarves went to work.

“[Y/N],” Thorin whispered as he leaned over you, pretending to check your pulse, “Tonight.”

He brushed the hair which had tangled itself across your face away as he made sure you got his message and you tried not to smile. You could not believe how devious he was, especially since your own desire for vengeance was waning by the minute.

“Thorin,” Fili’s voice came nervously from behind his uncle, “Me and Kili wanted to check on [Y/N].”

“There has been no change,” Thorin lied as you heard him stand up, “But you can watch over her while I help set up.”

Thorin’s footsteps faded as he walked away and the two brothers sat down beside you as you restrained from twitching in any way.

“Look, [Y/N],” Kili began with sorrow, “You probably cannot even hear us but we’re sorry we hurt you.”

“Yes, we should never have set that trap,” Fili added just as glumly, “It was stupid and dangerous.”

“We just want you to know how sorry we are, truly,” Kili sounded close to tears.

“For everything,” Fili’s hand rested lightly on your arm, “For the ants and the mud. For spying and embarrassing you. You had every right to do what you did.”

“If you can hear us in any way,” Kili pleaded, “Just know that we regret it all and you deserve better than that.”

Fili’s hand left your arm and you heard them push themselves from the ground as you felt horrible for not opening your eyes. They had sounded genuine and you knew that they likely felt even worse for thinking they killed you. Yet, if it would get them to stop their childish tricks, then it would be worth the pain. Besides, you were not sure if Thorin would not seek vengeance against you were you to foil his plans.

* * *

“Alright, they’re asleep,” Thorin sat down beside you, his leg brushing against you, “I brought you some stew.”

“Thank Mahal,” You sat up, finally opening your eyes, “I am starving.”

“I figured as much,” He smirked through the flickering darkness, “You’ll need your energy.”

“Yes, it will be quite the show,” You drank the stew directly from the lip of the bowl, “Do you have what we need?”

“Right here,” He pulled a leather packet from inside his tunic, “Just remember to make it convincing.”

“Don’t worry, they’ll never forget this performance,” You gulped back the rest of the broth before you wiped your face on your sleeve, “Might as well get started.”

Thorin pulled a small sac from the packet and dipped his fingers into the white powder before spreading it across your forehead. He added more and more of the mask, across your cheeks, nose and chin until your whole face was white and eerie. Finally he pulled out another sachet and spread some black powder under your eyes to make them look especially sunken.

“So, do I look dead?” You whispered with a giggle.

“A true spectre,” He smiled as he tucked away the packet, “Absolutely terrifying.”

“The highest of praise,” You poked his shoulder playfully, “Now, let me go and haunt my murderers.”

* * *

“Kili,” You made your voice as hollow as you could, running your finger across his cheek, you had made sure to soak them in cold water until they were frigid, “Fili,” You breathed in the other brother’s ear.

“What?” Kili’s eyes slowly opened as you backed up and stood over them, “Oh Mahal!” He exclaimed through the darkness, “Fili!” He shook his brother violently.

“Leave me–” Fili began until he saw you standing over him, “[Y/N]?”

“Why did you set the trap?” Your voice was nearly making you shutter.

“We didn't—” Kili looked up with fear.

“You did,” You insisted solemnly.

“We never meant to kill you,” Fili pleaded as you hung your shoulders lower.

“But you have,” You croaked eerily, “And you have condemned me to an eternity of misery. I shall forever be a lost spirit.”

“No, you cannot be dead,” Fili argued though he sounded less than convinced.

“I will never see the Mountain,” You replied gloomily; you had not like that line but Thorin had insisted, “And you will never be rid of me.”

“We’re so sorry,” Kili’s voice was strained with fear and sadness.

“As am I,” You lowered your head with mock despair, “For I shall never find solace in this world and you shall never have my forgiveness.”

“[Y/N],” They begged in unison as you began to back away into the darkness, “Don’t–” Their voices died as you seemingly disappeared before hurrying back to where Thorin was waiting.

“Did you hear them?” You asked as you hid behind the tall stone.

“I did,” He sounded utterly amused, “But we must hurry, there is one last part to this.”

“I know,” You laid back on the ground carefully, “Tap me with your toe when you’re ready.”

You laid back on the ground as Thorin pulled your own cloak over you, covering your face like a corpse. He gave one last pat on your shoulder as you heard frantic footsteps nearing and you closed your eyes once more.

“Uncle?” Fili said through the darkness, “Is [Y/N]–”

“Dead,” Kili finished, likely looking down at your covered body.

“I fear she is,” Thorin sounded quite convincing, “I cannot say when exactly but….there is no pulse.”

“No,” You could hear the tears in Fili’s voice and you held back a cringe.

“We are so stupid,” Kili choked, “What have we done?”

“You?” Thorin pondered with feigned confusion.

“We set the trap, Thorin,” Fili sounded devastated, “It was only a joke.”

“You and your jokes!” Thorin hissed viciously, “I told you one day they would get someone hurt.”

“We’re sorry,” Kili begged and a silence fell upon the cave once more.

You could sense the three dwarves standing over you in mourning and you urged yourself to remain still. Sniffles sounded above you and you felt even worse for what you were about to do. You could not believe they were crying. Thorin’s boot nudged your side and you said a prayer before you opened your eyes.

“BOO!” You threw off the cloak, jumping to your feet swiftly, “SURPRISE!!”

Thorin began to guffaw loudly as his nephews screamed with fear and confusion; Fili fell to the ground as Kili could do nothing but keep whining with shock. Thorin was bent over in his mirth as he pointed to his nephews with amusement and you could not help but join him. The look on their faces alone was delectable and you leaned against Thorin as you laughed deeply.

“Why would you do that?” Fili finally collected himself, though he remained on the ground.

“What kind of person does something so horrible?” Kili added as he held his chest.

“Someone who wanted to teach you a lesson,” Thorin said through his laughter, wiping away tears, “The very same someone who was caught in your little trap.”

“What is going on?” A small voice sounded from behind the nephews, there screams must have awoken some of the others.

Ori came around to where the four of you were hidden and you looked at him with surprised, his own shock spreading across his face as he screamed and ran in the other direction, “GHOST!” His high voice carried across the cavernous ceiling.

“What are you–” Bofur’s voice neared before he spotted you too, but he only let out a laugh of his own, “That’s no ghost, Ori!” He shouted over his shoulder as he grinned at your knowingly, “Ori?” He repeated as the frightened dwarf’s screams got further away, “I suppose I’ll go find him before he finds a real ghost.”

Bofur walked away and you found yourself laughing one more against Thorin, though his nephews were still less than impressed. You looked up at them as they stood stunned and silent.

“So,” You straightened up, “Did you learn your lesson?”

“Or do I have to tie you two up by your ankles?” Thorin threatened as he ceased his laughing, “I would not mind returning that favour.”

“No, no,” Kili put his hands up, “We have learned.”

“A lot,” Fili added with pleading eyes and Thorin fell into chuckles once more before you surrendered to your own delight.


	4. Song of the Siren IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is now faced with a full-out war with the Durin brothers with only a single ally by her side; Thorin.

“Hmmm,” You sighed as you dropped down into the dirt beside Thorin, barely keeping the bowls in your hands from spilling all over you, “Your nephews are still not talking to me.”

“Same,” Thorin took the proffered bowl, “Though I cannot say it is very disappointing.”

“Perhaps,” You stirred your stew, looking back to the Durins who had glared at you the entire time you had waited in line for your meal, “Yet I wonder if they are merely mad or plotting their vengeance.”

“You truly think they would dare?” Thorin sipped from the lip of his bowl, “After a trick like ours, I think they’ve had more than enough.”

“For a time,” You swallowed a mouthful, “But I think their shock and regret have faded to anger….and you know where that leads.”

“Then I suppose we should remain alert,” Thorin offered, though he sounded far from concerned, “If they try anything, we will just have to be prepared.”

“Yes, we will,” You narrowed your eyes at Kili and Fili as they exchanged subtle grins, “I never thought I’d be conspiring so. Let alone with you.”

“Where do you think those two learned their tricks?” Thorin smirked a little too proudly, “Me and their mother were quite the pair as children.”

“I can only imagine,” You looked to him, trying to picture him as a troublesome child, “I should only be thankful then that we are allies.”

“I should be as grateful,” He assured you as he continued to gulp down his stew, “You’ve quite a few low tricks yourself.”

“Low?” You repeated incredulous, draining the last of your stew, “Well-deserved, I would say.”

“You never told me what exactly began this whole…war,” Thorin mused as he set down his empty bowl, “I know they were rather bothersome but it must have been something incredibly irksome.”

“Mmm,” You thinned your lips, “A story for another time perhaps.”

“That bad?” He crooked a brow.

“It is not something I long to recall,” You answered and your stomach rippled queerly, “Ugh.”

“What—Ach,” Thorin’s hand went to his stomach as you felt your own contracting torso, “Oh no.”

“I think I’m–” You began but could not finish your sentence, instead you leaped to your feet and ran towards the line of trees.

You bent over in agony as you retched into the dirt; the stew which had been so delicious moments before was now sickeningly acidic. Another splash of vomit landed on the ground beside your own as Thorin’s own meal was spewed into a revolting puddle. The two of you were barely shielded by the trees as you remained hunched and puked without restraint.

“Oh Mahal,” You groaned as your stomach felt impossibly empty, “What is wrong with us?”

“The stew,” Thorin strained as he held onto his knees, “There must have been something in it.”

“But–” You looked over though the tree line to the rest of the Company, still comfortable around the fire pit, “We’re the only ones who are si–” You swallowed back another wretch.

“Yes, but it seems my nephews are quite amused,” Thorin’s faced twisted in pain.

“Huh,” You spat into the dirt as you lifted your head once more, the two Durin brothers looking back at you from camp with taunting grins, “Those bast–”

Another wave came upon you but it was more air than substance and your stomach muscles felt like to tear. Thorin’s own retching followed and it made yours all the worse, the two of you continuing to gag in united agony.

You did not know how long you lingered in the trees with the king, vomiting up food you did not even know still settled in your stomach. By the time the two of you dragged yourselves back to camp, the sun was set and many of the dwarves were close to snoozing.

You could not even find the energy to reproach the arrogantly smirking brothers, instead you fumbled open your bedroll and collapsed upon it heavily. You could hear Thorin as he unrolled his own behind you and he as much as crashed onto it with a grunt of exhaustion. You could not even bring yourself to roll off of your stomach and let your eyes close with your face nearly smushed into your thin bedroll.

* * *

Opening your eyes was not so easy as closing them and the rising sun seemed much brighter than usual. Your stomach felt as though it had been scraped dry with a razor blade and your throat burned as if you had swallowed fire. Your arm was caught under your side and you could not remember shifting atop your bedroll; surprised that you had even mustered the strength to do so.

You pulled your arm out from under you slowly, the flesh tingling from lack of blood flow and you groaned through your dried throat. You tried to fall back onto your back but instead, you felt a tug at the crown of your head and your shoulder collided with another. You craned your neck around as you felt another pull at your hair, a groan coming from the slumbering dwarf at your back.

You reached back into your hair, which felt much thicker than usual, another hand meeting your own and you realized someone had rebraided your hair. Thorin seemed to have come to the same realization as his hand surpassed yours and he felt the intertwined locks.

You tried to to turn again and another yank came, this one eliciting a grunt from Thorin and you realized you had been braided to him. Your hand froze and you pulled away, trying to roll away once more without thinking and it felt as if you would tear the roots from your head.

“Stop,” Thorin nearly begged as you felt him feeling around in your hair, “Before you rip my hair out.”

“Sorry,” You croaked, stilling yourself, “We should probably work together then.”

“That would be wise,” He grumbled, “Sit up in three.”

“Okay, okay,” You slipped your arms back under yourself and prepared to push yourself up.

Thorin gave the count and the two of you managed to reach a sitting position, stuck back-to-back and you tried to keep the hair pulling to a minimum.

“How are we going to stand?” You widened your eyes, “You’re taller than me.”

“I might be able to undo it if you still yourself a moment,” He began to dig through your tightly twined hair once more, “What in Mahal?”

“It’s just a braid, right?” You asked as you heard snickering and you knew without looking that the culprits were awake and watching, “Simple enough to get out.”

“I can’t find the end,” He pushed through the locks rather roughly, “Truly it feels like several braids.”

“Right, well,” You bit your lip, “I’ve my knife.”

“Knife?” He echoed with disdain, “Do not think of it.”

“Alright then,” You looked around as much as you could at the rest of Company, oblivious to your situation, “We will ask someone for help. Hey, Bofur,” You called to the drowsy-eyed dwarf, “Come here for a moment.”

“What do ye need, lass?” He approached and his eyes crinkled as he noticed the knot at the back of your head, “Oh, yes, this must be what those two were up to.”

“What do you mean?” You frowned, “You knew they were doing something and you didn’t think to stop them?”

“Well, I tried,” He explained avoiding your eyes guiltily, “But ye see, lass, I cannot help ye. And I doubt any of the rest will either.”

“Can’t help?” You squinted at him with disbelief, “Why not?”

“The royal nephews promised us all that should we get ourselves involved in this little…war of yers,” He pulled the corners of his hat nervously, “We should expect much the same ourselves.”

“And I could promise the same for you not helping,” You threatened, pulling unintentionally on Thorin.

“Yes, well, I’ve more pressing matters to worry about,” He began to turn away, “For instance, the lot of us can barely keep Ori in one spot since the two of ye’s scared him senseless.”

“Just you wait, Bofur,” You called after him, slumping back against Thorin as you once again forgot about him, “Sorry.”

“Not at all,” Though he sounded as annoyed as you felt, “Dwalin.”

“Thorin,” The gruff dwarf’s voice came from the other side of Thorin, “If you’re going to ask me to untangle you, I’m afraid I’d have to leave you bound.”

“What?!” Thorin pulled at your head this time, “I am your king.”

“Aye, but there are two princes,” Dwalin explained simply, “I’d rather your wrath than their tricks. The last time, they somehow got a chipmunk in my beard.”

“How in Mahal?” You could not help but wonder how they managed such an odd prank.

“That is far from important, [Y/N],” Thorin reined in your distraction, “Fine then, Dwalin, go on.”

“Uncle,” Fili and Kili appeared on either side of you and you looked to Fili as Thorin turned to his other nephew, both of you pulling at the braid, “That is a rather peculiar hairstyle.”

“Don’t,” You and Thorin warned in unison.

“Ha,” Fili chuckled, “Is it just the hair that’s intertwined or have your brains also been tied together.”

“You would know,” You grumbled as you crossed your arms, “Now please, for the love of Mahal, untie us.”

“Why ever would we do that?” Kili teased, “Even if you had graced us with a please, you two will have to figure this out yourself.”

“Think about this the next time you want to play dead,” Fili grinned at you menacingly, “Though next time, I don’t think we will care so much. Even if it isn’t fake.”

“Besides, the two of you seem to get along so well,” Kili smirked even wider, “We thought we would simply bring you a little closer together.”

“You bastards,” You reached back to the braid once more, searching for an end; Thorin was right, there didn’t seem to be one, “You two do not even know what you have done. You will pay dearly.”

“Sure,” Kili rounded the pair of you and nudged his brother as the both began to turn away, “We’ll worry about that when you untangle yourselves.”

You dropped your hand and would have hung your head if you were not braided to the back of Thorin’s, so instead you huffed with frustration. You felt Thorin shift against your back and realized he had gone rather quiet and you wished he had joined in on your threats towards his nephews. If anything, he may have been able to coerce them into helping.

“Well,” You began, and you felt your stomach gurgle again, “Oh no.”

“Oh no, what?” You could hear the anxiety in Thorin’s voice before he too groaned, “Ugh, never mind.”

“What did they do to us?” You rubbed your stomach, content that even if your body tried, there was nothing there to bring up.

“As good as poisoned us,” Thorin replied with a grunt, “Which would have been more than enough for their vengeance.”

“Incorrigible,” You spat as you shot a glare out of the corner of your eye to the Durin brothers, “Those little snakes.”

“Yes, yes, very sneaky,” Thorin agreed and you could hear his own stomach groaning as yours did the same, “Better work at getting untangled than to sit and dwell on it any longer.”

“I suppose you’re right,” You frowned, realizing that you still had a full day of walking and you very well couldn’t do so in such a bind.

You reached back and your hand met Thorin’s once more, the two of you pulling away almost instantly. You recalled how Kili commented on drawing you closer together and wondered at the meaning, though you were sure it was just another jape. Nevertheless, there was a tension arising and it was not making your predicament any easier.

“We’ll take turns,” You offered through the strained silence, “You can try first.”

You could feel the subtle tug of your hair as Thorin began his attempts and you let yourself smile as it actually felt like he had loosened the braid. Yet, as he continued and you let yourself pull away a mere inch, the braid seemed all the more tighter. You felt his hand leave the intertwined hair and he sighed, the movement of his head causing your own to be pulled back.

“Your turn,” He grumbled with irritation.

You started your own search for a released and nearly got your hand caught in the mess which only seemed to worsen with every touch. You could not fathom exactly what had been done to your hair or the type of braid which could be so entrapping, but it was starting to raise a sense of panic within you. Along with your already sickened insides, you felt as though you may keel over at any moment.

“Right then,” You lowered your arm once more, “Here’s what we’re going to do….” You inhaled deep with anxiety, “I’m going to cut my hair and that should free us.”

“What? No,” Thorin argued from the other side, again tugging at your hair.

“I won’t touch yours, I promise,” You could make the sacrifice if needed, though you did not long for it, “I’ll cut mine short, away from the braid.”

“You cannot cut your hair,” He sounded as if it were his own hair, “Not for the likes of one of my nephews’ tricks.”

“Well, it seems I haven’t much of a choice,” You pulled your knife from your belt.

“You do,” He assured and he blindly reached back and gripped your elbow, “Give me the knife.”

“No, I’m going to do it,” You replied, trying to convince yourself more than him, “It will grow back.”

“I am your king and I am ordering you to give me the knife,” He growled and you nearly flinched.

“For Mahal’s sake, Thorin,” You sighed, “It’s my hair. It won’t kill me.”

You pulled your elbow from his hand and reached up, hooking the knife under a lock before cutting through it easily. You were about to do another when Thorin’s hand stopped your own as he tightened his fist around yours. You knew you were not strong enough to escape his grasp and with a knife in your hand, it was not wise to struggle.

“Drop the knife now,” He commanded and you gave another sigh.

“Fine,” You agreed reluctantly and he let go of you, letting you lower your hand as you dropped the knife to the dirt.

“Now, we’re going to untangle this thing,” Thorin said determinedly, “Even if it takes all day.”


End file.
